Too Much Time On My Hands (You have to sing it)

Since being unemployed, I've done what any normal, mature, proactive adult would do in my situation. Mostly drink and feel terribly sorry for myself. I fill the hours in between by crying uncontrollably. Good times. However being the over achiever that I am, I've also managed to accomplish the following:

I have baked and consumed several entire chocolate cakes, in addition to the 9,248 calorie diet I've adopted lately. Maybe Santa wasn't to blame for that extra 5....er about 7 now, pounds I got for Christmas.

I now sleep on average, 15 hours a night.

I have also called (only to receive a busy signal) the unemployment claim hot line approximately 612 times. If I were dating unemployment, they would have moved, changed their phone number and email and served me with a restraining order.

In an attempt to explore my creative side, I've began knitting outer wear for my dog and both cats. It's a great outlet for my artistic ability as well as providing a terrifying glimpse into my future as a single, fat, cat lady living alone in my craptastic apartment. Pass the scotch. The only down side is the disapproving looks and minor injuries I've sustained from the animals while fitting them for their fancy new frocks. Ungrateful bastards.

Obviously I have found many inventive ways to fill the time I used to waste being a somewhat productive member of society. Please feel free to take notes should you ever find yourself in a similar situation. Perhaps I'll conduct a seminar as well. Stay tuned for times and locations near you.