Things I got for Christmas:
1. A white Christmas!! (I'm from Utah and I went home for the holidays. No, I'm not Mormon but most of my family is, so yes, it's very possible I'm inbred. It would explain a lot.)
2. Santa brought me 5 pound of flab. Santa is a dick.
3. Fancy, sassy, sexy black boots.
4. A pickled liver, although to be fair I've been working on that one for a while now....
5. Laid......off that is. Yep, I have officially been affected by the economy. Last Thursday we had our office holiday party. The next day I got laid off. "Thanks for everything, merry Christmas, now get the f*&$ out". You want to know what really pisses me off? (besides the fact that I planned the party and I am now spending the majority of my free time drinking and scouting out the nicest bridge I can find to liver under, at least I'll look hot in my new boots, maybe I can find a nice hobo boyfriend, YES!!) What really pisses me off is that had I known that I would no longer have to see my coworkers, I would have gotten FAR more intoxicated at our holiday party. I was totally on my best behavior!! What a waste. I would have gone out with one hell of a drunken bang.
Things I WOULD have done:
1. Pole dance. No pole necessary
2. Thrown up in a potted plant.
3. Hit on my hot married coworker. Because I'm classy.
4. Told the CEO that despite the fact he's from Belgium or some shit, his accent sounds exactly like Arnold Schwarzenegger and BEG him to say "It's not a tumor."
5. Fallen down. More than once.
But alas I had not the foresight to do any of this. Hind sight truly IS 20/20. I learned a valuable lesson though, if you have the chance to make an ass out of yourself, do so because you never know when the opportunity may be taken away and being respected by friends and colleagues is overrated really.
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